


Now You're Down on the Ground Screaming Medic (The Only Thing That Comes is the Post-Traumatic Stresses)

by Huntress8611



Series: The Stories of the Tarsus Nine [7]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Doctors, Fear, Fear of doctors, Gen, James T. Kirk Has Issues, James T. Kirk Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Leonard "Bones" McCoy is a Good Friend, Medical, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Needles, Panic Attacks, Parent James T. Kirk, Phobias, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tarsus IV, Whump, fear of needles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 07:50:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18806863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress8611/pseuds/Huntress8611
Summary: Oh, yes. Medical trauma, so much fun!





	1. Hold On, Feelin' Like I'm Headed For a Breakdown

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work is from the song Battle Scars by Lupe Fiasco and Guy Sebastian.
> 
> These characters probably seem OOC from how I wrote them in the other fics, but trauma’s a bitch and it just be like that sometimes. This work is Me Projecting My Problems™. Also, I feel like in the Star Trek universe they’d have little to no stigma around mental illness, trauma reactions, disabilities, and other things. Essentially, society has progressed. Like, doctors know how to deal with traumatised people and as long as someone has some workarounds they are still allowed to serve in Starfleet. They realize that, yes, sending people into deep space is probably going to result in some cases of PTSD. In deep space. Also, if they discharged everyone with trauma, mental or physical, there’d be nobody left in the ‘fleet.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I need you in sickbay, Jim,” he said, and Jim turned to glare at him, tensing up when he saw Spock blocking the doorway. Realizing that there wasn't any way for him to escape without causing a scene, he slowly stood up and Bones shifted his hand to firmly grip Jim’s upper arm before half-dragging him into the turbolift.
> 
> “Why'd you have to pull me off the bridge, you asshole!” exclaimed Jim, exasperated and anxious.
> 
> “Why won't you just show up for your damn appointments?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was formerly titled “Of Doctors, Fears, and Friendship.” I had originally written this as stand-alone fic outside of this ‘verse, but I decided that it would fit in here.
> 
> The title of this chapter is from the song Unwell by Matchbox Twenty.

McCoy sighed, walking to the turbolift. He called it and pushed the button for the bridge, watching the doors close. He had yet to catch Jim for his quarterly checkup and he knew that he was going to have to corner him on the bridge.

The lift opened and he walked onto the bridge, making eye contact with Spock who subtly got up and stood in front of the door. Leonard walked up behind the captain’s chair and laid a hand on Jim's shoulder. “I need you in sickbay, Jim,” he said, and Jim turned to glare at him, tensing up when he saw Spock blocking the doorway. Realizing that there wasn't any way for him to escape without causing a scene, he slowly stood up and Bones shifted his hand to firmly grip Jim’s upper arm before half-dragging him into the turbolift.

“Why'd you have to pull me off the bridge, you asshole!” exclaimed Jim, exasperated and anxious.

“Why won't you just show up for your damn appointments?” countered Bones, still holding tightly to Jim's arm.

The doors opened and Bones walked Jim to sickbay before dragging him into a private room. Bones pushed him onto the bed, forcing him to sit. Leonard looked at Jim, internally sighing. He was tensed and his guard was up. To be honest, he looked more like he was about to go fight an army of Klingons than like he was sitting in sickbay.

“Fucking relax Jim, we do this 4 times a year. You know I'm not going to attack you with stuff,” said Bones sharply, making Jim jump, startled.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, barely relaxing at all despite the apology. Bones set a hand on his shoulder, crouching down and looking him in the eye.

“No, no. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled,” he said softly, “You have nothing to apologize for.” He moved his other hand to cup Jim's face, gently rubbing his cheek with his thumb. Jim's beautiful blue eyes looked up into his, and he was saddened by the fear that shone in them, but also delighted by the implicit trust.

“You think you're alright to start?” asked Bones gently. Jim slowly nodded his head, and Bones smiled at him. “Alright, I'm just going to go to the other side of the room to grab my tricorder and the other stuff for later,” he said, standing up.

He grabbed all of his stuff, setting most of it on the table next to the bed before sitting next to Jim. He ran a hand through Jim's hair as he scanned him with the tricorder. He moved his arm to loop around Jim's shoulders, looking at the readings. He could tell that Jim was reading them as well and he tilted it so that Jim could see it better, purposefully not mentioning it.

“The readings are all great. Your heartbeat’s a bit on the fast side, but it's fine,” he said. He reached over to the little table, setting down the tricorder and grabbing a small bag that he set down next to him on the bed before moving so that he was facing Jim.

“I know you hate this shit, but I really need to do a blood draw and give you a few hyposprays,” said Bones, adding, “I promise I won't do anything without your okay,” when he saw Jim begin to panic.

When he didn't stop, he reached forwards and palmed his neck, pulling him into a hug. “Breathe, Jim. I know you're scared, but you still have to _breathe_. I'm sorry I cornered you earlier, I wish I hadn’t had to do that. I know it couldn't have helped. That’s it, just breathe, in and out, you're in control,” murmured Bones, rubbing Jim's back.

“I'm so damn stupid,” mumbled Jim, wrapping his arms around Bones.

“No you aren't. Trauma’s a bitch, Jim, and you can't control your phobias. You're already doing so much better than when we met. You tell me when you're hurt, you let me help you, and don't try to completely hide your emotions from me anymore. You're doing great, darlin’,” he said gently. They sat there for a while, Bones holding Jim, before Bones asked, “You think you're ready to try?”

“I'll try, I guess,” murmured Jim, “Can we do the blood draw first, please?”

“Sure,” said Bones, gently unwrapping his arms from Jim, who pulled back just enough to sit up. Bones grabbed his left arm and pulled it into his lap before grabbing the things that he needed out of his bag and putting them on the bed next to him.

“How do you want me to do this?” asked Bones, like every time, just in case the answer changed.

“Just- just tell me before you do it,” whispered Jim, same as always.

“I will,” assured Bones. He wrapped his left arm around Jim's shoulders, gently pulling the man so that his forehead was resting on Bones’ left shoulder. He ran his fingers through Jim's hair a few times before moving his hand back in front of him. Bones quickly tied a tourniquet around Jim's upper arm and cleaned his inner elbow, resulting in a shiver from Jim.

“D'ya want to watch me or close your eyes?” asked Bones softly.

“I'd rather keep my eyes closed. Tell me what you're doing though, please?” he asked.

“I can do that,” Bones confirmed. “Alright, then. Are your eyes closed?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm going to start. I'll count to three and then I'll do it, okay?”

At Jim's nod, he grabbed the needle and used his other hand to hold his arm steady.

“On three. One, two, three.” On three he slid the needle into Jim's arm, removing the tourniquet shortly after.

“Good, perfect,” murmured Bones, “You’re doin’ great, darlin’.”

He noticed that Jim’s right hand had clenched shut, digging his nails into his palm. He grabbed it with his left hand and opened it before guiding it to his shirt, allowing Jim to hold onto the fabric.

“There ‘ya go,” soothed Bones, rubbing his free hand along Jim’s arm a few times. When he let go, he reached into his bag and grabbed a cotton ball.

“I can take this out now, Jim,” said Bones, “Nod your head when you’re ready.”

A couple of seconds later he felt Jim’s head nod jerkily against his shoulder. He put the cotton ball over the needle, shushing Jim when he flinched, and carefully pulled it out. He quickly put a bandaid on top of the cotton ball.

Bones wrapped his arms around Jim and pulled him over so that he was practically in his lap, his head resting on his chest.

“That’s done, Jim. You did perfect,” reassured Bones, holding the other man tightly against him and gently running his fingers through his hair. He continued to murmur reassurances, swaying slightly side to side until Jim was breathing normally again.

“D’ya feel alright? You’re not gonna pass out or anything?” asked Bones cautiously.

“I’m not gonna pass out, Bones,” mumbled Jim, “I feel mostly fine, I'm just still kinda internally panicking.”

“Hey,” said Bones softly, “You’re gonna be alright, I’m really good at my job.” He heard Jim gulp, and he followed up with, “I promise I’ll be gentle and I’ll go as slow as you need me to. Remember, _you’re_ in control of this situation. I’m not gonna do anything without your permission first, Jim.”

“How many?” Jim asked shakily.

“Huh?”

“You said a few, but not a number. How many are there?”

“Four,” Bones responded, tightening his hold on Jim as he spoke.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Jim said faintly, firmly pressing his head into Bones’ chest.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“Yeah, but I’m still sorry,” Bones muttered. “I have one in my bag, but I need to go get the others. Are you good to stay here or do you want to come with me?”

“Come with?” Jim softly questioned.

“Alright, then.”

Bones shifted so that he was able to stand up, pulling Jim with him. As soon as they were both on their feet, he wrapped an arm around Jim and tucked him up against his body. He walked over to the cabinet and grabbed what he needed, gently rubbing Jim’s arm.

He then guided him back to the bed, sitting and pulling Jim down as well. He continued to hold him with one arm while he set things up with his other. Jim scooted closer and curled up against his chest, tucking his head under Bones’ chin.

“Bones I- I really- I don’t like this,” Jim stuttered, grabbing onto Bones’ shirt.

Bones, having finished what he was doing, set down his stuff and wrapped his other arm around Jim, holding him tightly.

“I know you don’t, kid,” Bones said with a sigh. “Do you want me to tell you when I’m doing it or surprise you?”

“You don’t have to tell me when, but please tell me where you’re gonna do it,” Jim shakily replied.

“You got it, Jim,” said Bones, letting go with one arm while simultaneously tightening his grip with the other. “Can I start?”

Jim gulped, squeezing his eyes shut before letting out a shaky “Yeah.”

“Okay,” he said, picking up the first one. He gently tapped the side of Jim's neck with his finger. “Right here.”

He quickly injected the vaccine into Jim’s neck, murmuring reassuring words, and then repeated the process for the second one.

Bones could feel Jim trembling and he stopped, setting the empty container down and wrapping his other arm around Jim. When he listened, he could hear the other man’s ragged breathing.

“Jim, are you okay?” Bones asked, already fairly certain of the answer.

Jim shook his head in jerky motions and Bones tightened his grip.

“Is there something _wrong_ wrong or are you panicking?”

Jim trembled against him. “Panicking.”

Alright,” he said, running his fingers through Jim’s hair. “Do you need me to do anything specific?”

The younger man wrapped his arms around himself and tugged on Bones’ hands. He tightened his grip, pulling the other man all the way into his lap and tucking his head under his chin. The more he tightened his grip, the more Jim relaxed. He was glad that it was one of those days. It’s much easier to hold him than to not touch him at all.

He slowly swayed back and forth, mumbling words of encouragement into Jim's hair. Suddenly, Jim’s breath hitched and he tensed up again.

“Bones- can’t- air-” Jim gasped, twisting in his grip, his hands reaching for something to grab onto.

“It’s going to be okay, darlin’. I gotcha,” Bones said. He quickly moved so that he could push Jim’s shoulders until he laid down flat on the bed. “Tap me if I make it worse, Jim.”

With that, Bones laid down next to Jim before rolling on top of him. “I’m here, you’re safe. Nothing’s gonna happen, not right now. No surprises, I promise,” he murmured, “I’ve got you. It’ll be okay. I’ve gotcha.” He was on top of Jim, his entire body weight pressing down on him. He let their foreheads touch and held the younger man’s hands, hoping that this would start to help soon.

Jim tried to calm down, focusing on Bones’ voice, the weight of his body helping to ground him. He took a breath and opened his eyes to see Bones staring back at him.

“There ya go,” Bones whispered, “Just breathe. In and out. All that matters right now is breathing in and out.”

Once Jim had caught his breath, Bones began to move, only to be stopped by Jim.

“Please-”

“Okay,” said Bones, quickly returning to his previous position. “I’ve gotcha, darlin’. I’ll stay like this as long as you want me too.”

Jim closed his eyes, working on relaxing his muscles, the pressure helping him to stay calm. He slowly breathed in and out until he felt calm enough to at the very least have a rational conversation with Bones. He tapped the other man on the shoulder and he rolled off immediately, sitting both of them up and pulling Jim back into a tight hug.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

“Anytime, Jim,” replied Bones.

Jim leaned into Bones’ chest and sighed, wishing that this wasn’t such a big deal to him.

“I just feel stupid.” Jim paused and Bones stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. “It shouldn’t be such a big deal. I’m always fine after, pretty much nothing ever goes wrong, and you listen to the things I say. I just wish I could control this.”

“It’s not your fault, Jim,” Bones said with a sigh. “You don’t need to try to hide it.”

“I just hate that I hate it. I want to be able to just get it done, but I always have to come back anyway, and I guess I just wish that it was easier.”

“I know, Jim, but don't forget, you have _every_ reason to. Honestly, I'd be worried about you if you weren't terrified of doctors after everything you've gone through,” Bones said, gently running his fingers through Jim's hair.

“I know. I just-” he cut himself off and took a deep breath. “Bones, can you? I just want to be done,” he whispered, his eyes closing.

“Yeah, Jim. Need anything first?” he asked.

“No, just… don't let go?”

“Never.”

Jim leaned further into the man, closing his eyes, not wanting to make himself panic by watching.

Bones quickly administered the last two hypos and disposed of them before he helped the other man stand up. He led him out of the sickbay, which was mostly empty. Luckily, it was late, so the halls were mostly empty and they made it to the captain's quarters without being interrupted.

Bones punched in his override code and managed to get the captain into bed.

“Don't-” Jim began, grabbing onto Bones' sleeve

“I'm not leaving, darlin’. Just going to the other side of the bed,” Bones reassured, detaching his hand and quickly doing just that.

He laid down on the bed next to Jim and wrapped his arms around him. Jim turned into him, trying to press closer until Bones tightened his grip. Jim hummed happily and relaxed, much to Bones' delight.

“Sleep, Jim. God knows you need it,” he said softly. “I'll still be here when you wake up.”

Jim's eyes drifted shut and his breaths slowly evened out, and Bones smiled softly.

“Goodnight, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter might be the longest single thing I've ever written.


	2. Did You See the Sparks, Feel the Hope, That You Are Not Alone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim’s eyes snapped open. He wasn’t sure what had woken up for a split second, but then he heard someone knocking on his door. He got up and opened the door, only to be shocked to see Kevin standing there, very obviously injured and in pain.
> 
> “Shit, why aren’t you in sickbay, Kevin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is from the song Flares by The Script.

Jim’s eyes snapped open. He wasn’t sure what had woken up for a split second, but then he heard someone knocking on his door. He got up and opened the door, only to be shocked to see Kevin standing there, very obviously injured and in pain.

“Shit, why aren’t you in sickbay, Kevin?”

Kevin’s breath hitched and he vigorously shook his head. Jim took one more look at him and pulled him into his quarters. He had him sit down on his bed before he reached under it and grabbed a large bandage from his first aid kit.

“Kev, kiddo, can I please wrap that up for you?” Jim asked softly, sitting down on the bed next to him.

Kevin nodded and Jim wrapped up the bleeding wound on his stomach, moving slowly so that he didn’t startle the younger man.

“Kiddo, what happened?”

“I fell off of one of the walkways in engineering. Nobody saw, thankfully,” he mumbled.

“Kev, I can’t fix all of this,” Jim said gently.

“No, nonono, Dad, _no_.”

Jim quickly wrapped his arms around his kid, carefully avoiding his injuries.

“Shh, it’s okay Kevin, you’re gonna be fine.”

“Nonono, please don’t make me go,” he begged, and Jim felt his heart break a little.

He gently pulled Kevin so that he was leaning against his chest and ran his fingers through his hair.

“You have to go, kid. I’m sorry,” he said sadly.

“ _Please_.”

“It’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll go with you, Kev. I know for a fact that Bones has this shift tonight, and he’s a great doctor. He knows that I was on Tarsus and he knows that I’m terrified of doctors. If it’s okay with you, I can tell him about you too.”

“You trust him, Daidí?” Kevin asked quietly.

“With my life.”

“Okay, you can tell him,” he said quietly, before pleading, “Please stay, though? Don’t leave me there alone.”

“Never.”

Jim picked him up, carrying him through the rarely used hallways to avoid running into anyone. He gently set him down outside sickbay, explaining, “If I leave you alone in there to go explain to Bones, then another doctor might think that you need help.”

After Kevin nodded in understanding, Jim walked in and quickly found Bones, who was working in his office.

“Goddamnit, Jim, what’d ya do this time?” Bones said, annoyed.

“I’m not hurt, someone else is, but I need to explain something first,” he said.

“Make it quick, kid.”

“Okay. Remember that I told you that I had, like, seven kids and a little brother because of Tarsus?”

“Jim, where even is this going?”

“Okay so Kevin’s been on the Enterprise for a little while and I never got the chance to tell you. He’s hurt, but he, like the rest of my family, has the same issues with doctors that I do. He came to me instead of sickbay. I had to talk him into coming here.”

“Good god, Jim,” Bones said with a sigh. “Only your life could be this crazy.”

Bones went into one of the rooms and Jim went to get Kevin. He picked him up and carried him into the room, shutting the door behind him. Jim sat down on the bed and moved so that he was leaning against the wall and Kevin was on his lap. The kid’s eyes were closed and he’d completely hidden his face in Jim’s shirt.

“Kevin,” Jim said softly, prompting him to look up, “This is Bones.”

“Jim, stop introducing me to people as Bones. Half the ship thinks it’s actually my name,” Bones said, looking at him. Then he turned to Kevin and said, “Hello, I’m Doctor McCoy. What happened?”

Kevin looked at him for a second before shaking his head and turning back into Jim, who ran his hand through the kid’s hair.

“He fell off of one of the walkways in engineering,” Jim said.

“Wow kid, how’d you manage that?” Bones said softly, trying to make the kid feel more comfortable.

When Kevin didn’t respond, Bones looked at Jim and quietly said, “I need to see what I’m working with.”

“Kev, I need you to move a little, okay?” he said, and Kevin tightened his grip on Jim’s shirt. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I just need to move you a little bit.”

Jim shifted Kevin so that he was sitting next to him instead of on top of him and wrapped his left arm around his shoulders, letting the kid lean against his side.

“Can I touch your arm, Kevin?” he asked, not wanting to freak the kid out anymore than he already was. Kevin shook his head and Bones said, “Jim, can you move his arm so I can see where it’s broken?”

Jim gently grabbed Kevin’s right arm and carefully moved it into his lap, quietly murmuring reassurances to him when he flinched. Bones looked at it, carefully not touching, and ran his tricorder over it, figuring out exactly where it was broken. Unfortunately it wasn’t a stable fracture and it needed to be set. _Shit, this isn’t gonna be easy,_ Bones thought.

He stepped away to grab a painkiller hypo, the portable regen unit, and some bandages. He set them down next to Jim and made eye contact with his friend. Jim nodded, knowing what needed to happen.

“Kev, hey, I have a question for you,” Jim said, wrapping a hand around the one in his lap. “I know you’re scared, and I want to give you a choice really quick. Do you want us to tell you what’s happening, to ask you questions and tell you before anything happens, or would you rather us just not say anything? You wouldn’t have to think about it and I could make the decisions for you.”

Kevin squeezed Jim’s hand tightly before taking a deep breath and saying, “I wanna know what’s happening, Dad.”

“Alright, Kev.” He ran his fingers through his hair, allowing the younger boy’s breathing to slow down a bit more before he glanced at Bones. “Bones, can you explain?”

“You actually got pretty lucky. The only injuries you have are your broken arm and the cut on your stomach,” Bones explained with a soft voice. “All I have to do for the stomach wound is run a regen unit over it, but the break in your arm has to be set.”

Kevin flinched back into Jim, shaking his head, and Jim pulled him back into his lap, knowing that Bones could work around that now.

“Hey, Kev, kiddo, it’s not what you’re thinking. I promise that it’ll only hurt for a moment. It’s not fun, I know, and it'll still hurt, but I swear that it won’t be anywhere near as bad as last time,” Jim reassured, holding Kevin tightly against him. “The only thing is that you need a hypospray. Just painkillers, though.”

Kevin looked even more distressed at that, and Bones quickly jumped in.

“If it’d make you more comfortable, Jim could do the hypo. He knows how.”

Kevin nodded and pressed his face into Jim’s shirt, trying to be as close to him as humanly possible. Jim pulled one arm away from Kevin and picked up the hypo from beside him.

“Would you like to look at it first?” Jim asked, holding it out to Kevin.

Kevin looked at it and reached out before stopping himself. He looked over at Bones and asked, “Doctor McCoy, can I…?”

“Of course. Go ahead, Kevin,” Bones answered gently, shocked that the kid had asked him.

Kevin took it out of Jim’s hand with his good arm, shaking, and Jim gently held his wrist, steadying him. He looked at it with an intrigued expression on his face. He’d never been allowed to look at one before. He looked up at Jim, who let go of his wrist and carefully took it out of his hand.

“Good?”

Kevin nodded before curling back into Jim, who lightly kissed his hair. He gently scratched his head and felt him relax ever-so-slightly. He rubbed his thumb along the side of the kid’s neck before gently pressing the hypo against his neck and quickly pushing the button. Kevin flinched hard and Jim handed the empty hypo off to Bones before wrapping his other arm around the boy.

“I’m done, that’s it. You did great.”

Jim looked down and, realizing that Kevin’s broken arm was hidden between them, quickly flipped him around, not giving him a chance to protest. Kevin pulled his arm close to his body, trying to hide it, but Jim gently took his hand and moved it away from them.

“It's alright, c'mon.” Kevin tensed up and tried to pull his arm away, but Jim didn't let go. “Hey, it's okay, you just gotta trust me. You're safe.”

“I do, ‘m just scared,” he mumbled, so quiet that it was barely audible.

“I know sweetie, I know,” he murmured. “Last time was really bad and it makes sense that you're scared, but you don't need to be. I promise.”

Kevin allowed Jim to move his arm and kept pushing his head up against him.

“Kev, Bones is gonna touch your arm now, okay? He's not doing anything yet, just touching.”

Kevin nodded slightly and Bones gently took his hand from Jim, just holding it. He used his other hand to gently touch Kevin's arm, just rubbing up and down. Kevin had jerked away when Bones first touched him, but he relaxed a little bit after a minute or so.

“I know this must suck, but I really do need to set this,” Bones said.

Kevin whimpered and Jim gently rocked side to side, humming into his hair.

“I don't want to lie to you, so I'm just going to warn you that it'll hurt, but if I heard your conversation correctly you implied that there weren't painkillers last time, and I swear to you it won't hurt anywhere near that much.”

Kevin nodded his consent and Bones looked at Jim who had already tightened his grip. He moved his hands into position and quickly reset it.

Kevin yelped, trying to tug his arm away, but Bones didn’t let go, not wanting the bone to slip from his jerking. He ran the regen unit over it while Jim talked to him, and after about five minutes the bone was healed, though still fragile.

He grabbed one of the elastic bandages and wrapped it tightly around his arm to help stabilize it slightly. He set Kevin’s arm back in the boy’s lap and took a step back to give him some space.

Kevin quickly moved his arm, tucking it tightly against himself. His eyes were clenched shut and his breaths were fast, shallow, and uneven.

“Hey, sweetheart, follow my breathing, okay?” Jim said, breathing in and out deeply and slowly. “C’mon, you can do it.”

He gasped, managing to take deeper breaths, but he was still breathing to fast.

“Hey, hey,” Jim said soothingly, tightening his grip on his son. “Slow down a bit. Nothing’s happening right now, I promise. You’re alright. It’s okay.”

After a few minutes, Kevin’s breathing was back to normal. Jim met Bones’ eyes over Kevin’s head and bit his lip, knowing that they really shouldn’t wait much longer.

“Sweetheart,” Jim started, pressing a kiss to the boy’s head when he flinched. “Yeah, I know, kid. I’m sorry.” Jim took a deep breath before continuing. “We’ve gotta fix your stomach now Kev.”

The boy in question whimpered softly, tensing more than should be possible in his current state. He managed to move enough in Jim’s hold that he was able to tightly wrap his arms around the man.

Jim nuzzled the top of his head, sighing. “I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen. Most importantly, if you need to stop, you tell me or you tell him, got it?” Kevin nodded. “Okay. I’m going to stand up and set you down on the bed.” He felt his son tense in his arms and quickly followed up with, “I’m not going anywhere, I promise. I’m going to set you down and I’m going to stay right next to you. I’ll be touching you the whole time and you’ll be able to see me the whole time. Bones is going to unbandage your stomach. You’re going to lay down. Bones is going to clean your cuts and run a regen unit over them. I’m going to help you sit up. He’s going to wrap your stomach again just to be safe. Then we’re going to go back to my room. That sound okay?”

He nodded tentatively, pressing his face into Jim’s shirt.

“Alright, here we go then.”

He stood up and set Kevin down on the bed, putting a hand on his knee and moving so that he was both out of Bones’ way and in Kevin’s field of vision.

Bones stepped towards Kevin and asked, “Can I take the bandages off?”

Kevin nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. Jim squeezed the top of his knee, reminding him that he was still there while Bones slowly unwrapped the bandages, carefully ensuring that he didn’t pull anything.

“I need to cut your shirt off, is that okay?” Bones asked softly.

Kevin opened his eyes and gulped, locking eyes with his dad as he nodded.

He kept staring at his dad, shivering when he felt the metal scissors barely bump his side as Bones carefully cut his shirt off. Once everything was out of the way, Jim shifted his grip, placing one hand behind his back and using the other to turn him and lift his legs onto the bed before moving it to his shoulder. He carefully helped him lie down, whispering soothing words whenever his facial expression began to betray his fear and pain.

Once he was lying down, Jim carefully pushed his hair out of his face and stepped forward, making sure that he was still in Kevin’s sightline. He cupped the boy’s cheek with one hand and continued stroking his hair with the other, giving him a moment to get settled.

“Kev,” Jim said gently. “Bones is going to start now, okay?” Upon seeing his son’s fearful nod, he quickly reminded him, “Remember, if you need to stop, just say so. It’s alright.” When he nodded once again, Jim looked at Bones and smiled before giving him the okay to get started.

He quickly dropped his gaze back to his son’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. He turned into the touch and Jim smiled.

“I’ve gotcha,” he said softly.

Kevin tensed up, and Jim winced almost imperceptibly. No matter how much medicine progressed, some things would always suck, such as cleaning cuts. He gasped, his body going rigid so as not to pull away and make anything worse. Bones continued, speeding up as much as he could, not wanting to prolong the boy’s suffering.

Jim cupped the boy’s face with both hands and pressed his forehead against his, drawing deeper breaths from him. He pulled back and carefully smoothed his thumbs over the creases on his forehead, smiling softly as the boy’s face slowly relaxed.

Bones, having finished cleaning the wounds, turned on the regen unit, the sudden noise making Kevin flinch.

“It’s just the regen, Kev. It’s okay. The regen doesn’t hurt, just a little uncomfortable at the worst,” Jim quickly reassured when the boy’s eyes locked onto his.

He tensed slightly when he felt the regen unit begin to heal his stomach, slowly relaxing as he realized that it was only slightly uncomfortable. His eyes stayed locked onto Jim’s, seeking reassurance. Jim whispered soothing words to him, stroking his hair and cupping his cheek. He didn’t talking stop until Bones tapped him on the shoulder.

Jim straightened back up, sliding an arm under Kevin’s back and helping him sit up. Bones quickly wrapped a single layer of bandages around his torso before handing Jim a new shirt. Jim helped Kevin put the shirt on, not wanting him to accidentally pull on his newly healed stomach.

Bones stepped out of the way, giving Jim room to help Kevin to his feet and wrap one of the boy’s arms around his shoulders for support. Once Jim was sure that Kevin wouldn’t fall over, he began to slowly lead him out of the room. Unexpectedly, Kevin stopped them as they walked by the doctor.

“Thank you,” he said, his tone surprisingly confident as he met the man’s eyes.

Bones was shocked, not having expected this. “Why?”

“For being a good doctor,” he replied, voice slightly less confident that before.

“You’re welcome,” he said, smiling.

He began walking again, Jim turning to mouth “thank you” at Bones as he led the boy out the door. Jim took him to his own quarters, not wanting to leave him alone just yet. He had Kevin sit on the bed and, seeing a notification on his padd, quickly glanced at it, smiling when he read a message from Bones.

_I scheduled you both on medical leave for the next two days. Take care of him, Jim._

Jim sat down on the bed in front of Kevin, titing his chin up with his hand so that he could meet the boy’s eyes.

“I’m proud of you,” he said, drawing a small smile from his son. “You did really, really good.”

“I did?” he asked hesitantly.

“You did,” Jim said with a small nod. “You came to me. You let me take you to sickbay. You let the doctor treat you even though you were terrified. You did amazing, sweetheart.”

Kevin sniffled and Jim pulled him forwards into a hug.

“I’ve gotcha, kid. I’ve gotcha. I’m so proud of you. You did so good.”’

“I was so _scared…”_

“But you trusted me enough to let me get you help. You were so brave. You came to me and let me take you to sickbay even though you were scared,” Jim said, pride evident in his tone.

Kevin nodded into his shoulder, a yawn slipping out. Jim laid down, pulling Kevin down with him. He held him close and the boy tucked his head into the crook of his neck, curling tightly against him.

“I’ve gotcha,” Jim whispered. “You can sleep.”

“Love you, Daidí,” he whispered.

“I love you too, sweetheart. I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Jim’s lack of panic in a medical setting doesn’t fit with the first chapter, but consider: the Mom Friend Override™. (If you don’t know what the Mom Friend Override™ is, just google it in combination with the word tumblr and look at the first few image results.
> 
>  **Edit:** Somehow this chapter is even longer than the last one???


	3. How Do You Stay so Strong? How Did You Hide It All for so Long? (Quincy and James)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “James Tiberius Kirk, what the hell did you do?” they asked, exasperated.
> 
> “C’mon, Quinn, it’s an occupational hazard,” he whined.
> 
> “JT, you get injured on every single away mission. You. Have. A. Problem.”
> 
> Nyota, who had helped Spock escort the captain to the sickbay, looked back and forth between the two, confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is from the song Fallen Angel by Three Days Grace.

“James Tiberius Kirk, what the hell did you do?” they asked, exasperated.

“C’mon, Quinn, it’s an occupational hazard,” he whined.

“JT, you get injured on every single away mission. You. Have. A. Problem.”

Nyota, who had helped Spock escort the captain to the sickbay, looked back and forth between the two, confused.

_ “Quinn…” _ he whined, trying to stand up.

“If you don’t get your ass back in that bed in the next 5 seconds, I’ll tell Lisa about that one time you accidentally spilled coffee on her bow,” they said calmly.

Jim scrambled back into the bed, his face white as a sheet. “Okay,  _ Jesus _ , I swear. Please don't tell her about that. I don’t want to die today,” he pleaded.

Quincy looked very pleased with themself. “I won’t, so long as you at least  _ try _ to cooperate.”

They pushed on his shoulder, making him lean against the inclined back of the biobed and he took a deep breath.

“What happened?”

“Well, obviously I got hit by a phaser and stabbed a few times, Quinn.”

“You’re better than that, JT,” they said quietly. “How?”

“I couldn't keep myself and everyone else from getting injured. If I wasn’t hurt, at least two of my crew would be dead right now.”

“Self-sacrificing idiot,” they mumbled, digging through their stuff, attempting to find a painkiller that wouldn’t trigger an allergic reaction.

Spock and Nyota were still in the sickbay, sitting in chairs around 20 or 30 feet from Jim, making sure he didn’t make a break for it.

When Quinn finally pulled out a hypospray, Jim visibly tensed up.

“Tulia. Ni sawa, Baba. Wewe ni mzuri,” them murmured, and he relaxed sightly.

Uhura couldn’t hear what the two were talking about over the noise of sickbay, but she was startled to find that some of what she did hear was in Swahili. She caught a few words, including “calm” and… “Dad?” What?

Quinn, knowing that they needed to do this now if it was ever going to happen, tapped two fingers to the side of their dad’s neck, gave him a few seconds to protest or stop them, and then gave him the hypospray. His breath stuttered and they sighed.

“Kaka. Kupumua, kijinga,” they whispered to him, squeezing his arm.

He grasped onto her hand, trying not to panic in front of everyone in sickbay. “Samahani. Samahani, Quinn. Ninajaribu, nimeahidi, ni ngumu tu.”

“Najua, Baba. Samahani pia. Siipaswi kupiga picha,” they said, still whispering.

“Siyo kosa lako, ni kijinga,” Jim murmured.

“Ikiwa tatizo lako ni wajinga, ndivyo ilivyo kwa wengine wetu,” they pointed out, giving him a look.

“Nzuri, unashinda.”

Quinn laughed and Jim cracked a small smile, much to the surprise of the crewmates that were watching them. Nyota got the feeling that she and Spock were intruding and convinced Spock to leave on the grounds that Quinn seemed like they could deal with Jim if necessary.

Quinn watched them leave and finally pulled the curtain around the biobed. Jim let his mask fall, and took a deep, shuddering breath.

“Thanks for helping me keep it together in front of my crew, Quinn,” he said. “I really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” they replied, smiling softly at their dad. “It helps that you’re a hell of a lot better at dealing with this than Tommy or, God forbid, Kevin.”

“Well, I’ve had some practice hiding emotions.”

“I know. Don’t do it now, though. It’s just us and you know I’ve seen worse,” Quinn said seriously.

“I’ll do my best, Quinn.”

“That’s all I ask. Now, before you panic even more, I’m going to tell you what needs to happen. I’ve already given you painkillers, so all I need to do now is clean, regen, and maybe bandage. Scratch that,  _ definitely _ bandage, ‘cause knowing you, you'll screw up all my hard work if I don’t, ‘kay?” they asked.

Jim nodded hesitantly. He’d trust his kid, any of his kids, with his life, but he was still nervous. He had panicked when they’d said that Bones was unavailable and he was so glad that Quinn had happened to be in sickbay.

“Great, now lay back down,” they said, pushing Jim, who had sat up at some point, back against the bed. He resisted slightly, and Quinn sighed. “It's me, Dad. You're gonna be fine.”

“Yeah, I know, Quinn, but so do you.”

“I do. I know it’s not me that’s the issue. It’s not your fault. Just make sure you talk to me, okay? Don’t keep stuff to yourself."

Jim nodded and finally allowed Quinn to push him back against the bed. They took a pair of sterile scissors and cut off his shirt, exposing the wounds on his torso. They then grabbed a bottle of antiseptic and a cloth from their stuff, pouring some of the antiseptic onto the cloth and setting the bottle back down.

"I'm gonna clean now, okay?"

At Jim's nod, they began to gently clean the burn and stab wounds, reaching out and taking his hand when he flinched. They quickly cleaned all four wounds, keeping hold of Jim's hand the whole time.

"You okay?" they asked, pulling away and looking at his face.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he said, breathing just a little bit too fast.

"Good. I'm going to wait a minute for your breathing to even back out before I do anything, alright?"

Jim nodded, concentrating on breathing slowly and deeply while Quinn pulled out the regen unit.

"I'm going to start now, if that's all right?" Quinn asked a few moments later.

"Go ahead," Jim said quietly, closing his eyes as he heard the machine start. He kept focusing on his breathing, not wanting to freak out again.

They finished, setting down the regen unit and picking up some bandages, wrapping them around Jim’s wounds to ensure he wouldn’t reopen them.

“There, all done,” Quinn said. “That wasn’t that bad was it?” Somehow they managed to say that last part without making it sound horribly condescending.

Jim opened his eyes and smiled slightly. “Thanks Quinn.”

“Just doing my job.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason that Quinn is there instead of Bones is that Bones is in surgery because somebody fucked up in engineering and can't leave.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Swahili Translations:  
> Tulia. Ni sawa, Baba. Wewe ni mzuri. = Calm down. It’s okay, Dad. You’re fine.  
> Kaka. Kupumua, kijinga. = Shit. Breathe, stupid.  
> Siyo kosa lako, ni kijinga. = It's not your fault, it's stupid.  
> Ikiwa tatizo lako ni wajinga, ndivyo ilivyo kwa wengine wetu. = If your problem is stupid, then so is the rest of ours.  
> Fine, you win. = Nzuri, unashinda.  
> Samahani. Samahani, Quinn. Ninajaribu, nimeahidi, ni ngumu tu. = Sorry. Sorry, Quinn. I'm trying, I promise, it's just hard.  
> Najua, Baba. Samahani pia. Siipaswi kupiga picha. = I know, Dad. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped.


End file.
